The 5 cardinal rules of penetrative sex with a vagina

Whether you've got a vagina or you're trying to up the pleasure metre for a partner that has one, you'll want to remember these five rules. 

1. Clitoris is Queen

There’s no denying that every portrayal of sex we have growing up is penis in vagina. Unfortunately, for most people with a vagina, this isn’t the most pleasurable way to have sex. There’s always talk of the allusive G spot, whispered among friendship groups like a ticket to eternal pleasure that you had to earn through experience. The problem is, there is no real ‘spot’. The G spot is part of the clitoral network, which is why lots of people with vaginas describe it as being on the top wall of the vagina and are able to stimulate it through a ‘come hither’ motion, as they are accessing parts of the clitoral network from the inside. There’s no guarantee you’ll ever find this spot though, or that it exists in this place for your body, which is why outer clitoral stimulation is so important for female pleasure. Get in touch with the way you like to be touched; fast, slow, teasing, patterns, it’s all personal preference.

2. Pee after sex. Always.

For people with vaginas, the close proximity of the urethra, vaginal opening and the anus means that there’s a lot of opportunity for bacteria to end up in places that it shouldn’t. The friction and movement during sexual intercourse means that natural bacteria present in the vagina can travel to the urethral opening, and if left unchecked can cause serious discomfort at best and a kidney infection at worst. Peeing after intercourse means that this bacteria is flushed out of the urinary tract before it has a chance to run riot.

3. Foreplay is everything

There’s no doubt it takes a little longer for a person with a vagina to be properly aroused for pleasurable sex. It’s not only important for lubrication purposes (dry sex = a bad time) but for allowing your body to reach orgasm. When a person with a vagina is properly aroused, the clitoris, labia minora, urethral sponge (the area commonly associated with the G spot) and perineal sponge become engorged and relaxed due to increased blood flow. This elongates the vaginal canal and leads to greater stimulation when penetrated.Foreplay isn’t all about the genitals though. Arousal can come from touching, stroking and teasing the many erogenous zones around the body, so it’s important to tell your partner what you like and how you like it. 

4. If it’s painful, stop

Sex should never be painful, but unfortunately the vast majority of women (3 out of 4) experience pain during sex at some point in their lives. A lot of the time, pain can be linked back to lack of arousal and insufficient lubrication, since the vagina is not relaxed enough to allow for comfortable penetration and the dry friction can rub you the wrong way, pun intended. While these can often be addressed between your partner and yourself, they may also be side effects of certain medications, in which case it’s best to chat to your doctor about it and stock up on some lube! There are also common treatable reasons why you may be experiencing pain or discomfort, like having thrush or an ongoing skin condition like eczema. In other cases, pain can be a sign of more serious gynaecological issues such as vaginismus, ovarian cysts or endometriosis to name a few, or could be the sign of an STI. If you’re having constant pain during intercourse, it’s best to chat to a medical professional.

5. Know what you like, then find your voice

Pleasure is personal. Exploring your own body and getting in touch (literally) with what feels good for you, without the pressure of worrying about if anyone else is having a good time, is the only way to really understand what your body reacts to and how. It’s also really important for gaining confidence in the bedroom; you’re more likely to feel shy and anxious if you don’t feel like you know what you’re doing or how to have a good time. Once you’re intimately acquainted with yourself, it becomes so much easier to communicate what you like to your partner. You’ll also be more comfortable guiding them in the right direction or dealing with any awkward situations that may arise (everyone queefs! It’s normal! No need to feel any embarrassment). It’s more fun for everyone involved if you’re having a good time, so don’t be afraid to speak up.

What are your cardinal rules for penetrative sex with a vagina? Let us know in the comments!